Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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