Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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