She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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