belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
