I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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