wanna go halves on a baby?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
