I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
