Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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