i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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