I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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