Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
