I am midnight drunk by noon
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
