With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
