No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
two words: eviction party
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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