Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
