Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize