We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
