Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
