I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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