yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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