His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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