Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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