Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
