I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
