I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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