Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
