I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
