4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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