why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize