Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
