I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
