She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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