Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
