If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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