Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
