"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We have so much sex to catch up on
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
