things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
