I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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