before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize