I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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