Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
