from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
