Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
