I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
