ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I want her autograph on my taint
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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