take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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