textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
