Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
