In the future we'll all be gay
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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