Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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