I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
