tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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