Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize