i think my mom watched the whole time
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
