I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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