I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
