Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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