I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
