Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Randomize
