I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im part way to drunk.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
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