what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
