Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
