Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
